I'm the boy that looks excited
I'm the boy that's gonna fall apart
Candyfloss, I lie to myself
I'm the boy that eats his heart out

I know I should be more careful
I know I should watch where I've been
Candyfloss and she's a safecracker
She kissed me first and then broke in

We slip and slide on the stay-together landmine
I make my mind up to never be myself
And every time I make a rhyme
I live my life for someone else

Oh-whoa-whoa
Oh-whoa-whoa
Oh-whoa-whoa

She's in the kitchen with bitter diamond drunks
(She's in the way)
I'm on the sofa hoping she leaves that punk cause
(I'm in the way)

I'm the boy with the poetry power
I'm the boy, smells like flowers
Every time I make a rhyme
I live my life like I wasn't invited

Oh-whoa-whoa

She's in the way
I'm in the way

I'm the boy that looks excited
I'm the boy that's gonna fall apart
Candyfloss, she kissed me first
And I'm the boy, don't get me started

I know I should be more careful
I know I should watch where I've been
Candyfloss, she's a safecracker
She kissed me first, then broke in

Oh-whoa-whoa

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You look at the scratch and completely miss the diamond.
-Raphie Frank

its my second post today and i've decided to do an english version of '天才梦'.
The below content is another side to me. i've never rly shown it to anyone, anyway. Yet, i feel, there's a need to balance both sides of me. :D

Here goes.

To you guys, i may seem like someone who is a very friendly, happy-go-lucky, sociable type of person. You may see me smiling almost everytime and laughing away.

its not that i don't like to smile and laugh,
its not like i don't enjoy being happy,
but my second side is, usually pessimistic.

In actual, i earn to be alone.
yeah, that's the other side of me.

i hate being alone.
But, i hate the crowds too.
i dislike being in the centre of attention,
however, sometimes i like the attention.

i'm not an attention seeker, because i don't seek any.
Most of the time, i use my 1st side, because that's who i like to be.
When i'm alone, my second side replaces me.

i hate being on the trains, where everyone watches your every move.
i hate being on the bus, when people, sometimes are within 5 cm from me.
i'm claustrophobic, i dislike being stuck in the middle of everyone and everybody.
it gets difficult to breathe, mentally.

i dont like going to shopping malls myself.
to me, it feels like if you were to fall down,
the whole world would stare, look and laugh.

i dont like being the object of people's stares,
i hate it when they dont mind their own business.
i'm inferior, on the inside.

but, i hide it deep.
i'm the only one who knows.
if someone peeks, it wouldnt be anyone,
anyone simple.

its not that i don't like being with my friends,
but i love to be alone, as well.
i like to sit at home, in my room, and daydream.
and i wish i can do it every single day.

Sit, idle, sleep and do stuff i enjoy.
i really want to do something i love and earn lots of money from it.
i'm not being materialistic, just partially practical.

i listen to random songs, i dont have anyone i like in particular.
But, its a luxury to stuff the earpieces in my ears,
and feel the music surround me.

i'm okay with anything.
mostly everything.

my siblings hate celery.
does that make me an odd one out?
sometimes, i hate my siblings.
cause they always gang up against me.
sometimes, i wish i had an older brother,
and that i was not the eldest.
and then i would blame my mum for my elder brother being a stillborn.

sometimes, instead of being the oldest,
i feel like i'm the youngest.
i used to order my sister to do this and that for me,
i still do.

it feels like them taking care of me,
instead of the other way round.
(me taking care of them)

i hate doing housework,
saying i'm good at it is bullshit.
i dont like walking to the wet market,
'cause it stinks.
in fact, i dont like going to the grocery store,
or supermarket,
i hate doing any form of restocking.

i hate fishy smells, as well as decayed stenches,
but i can stand the garbage truck.

i'm someone who lives in myself, literally.
i don't really know how to describe it, but my second self is hypocritical.
i'm afraid of hurting people, and if i have something to say about him/her,
i don't do it straight in their faces.

i'm tired of my behindtheirback attitude, sometimes.
But, that's just the second me.
i cant do anything about it,
'cause i try not to offend people, most of the time.

To be neutral, its ironic.

i dont understand why i always attract the wrong kind of attention,
the more it happens,
the more it sucks.

i'm someone who forgets easily,
if someone tells me today is their birthday,
i would probably forget it tomorrow if i didn't record it today.
Though, i'll be able to remember if i want to.
and then, it would be hard to forget.

i say to protect earth,
but sometimes, i on the lights for hours on end,
and i leave the tap running based on my mood.

and then i'll curse mankind for polluting earth,
and then i'll curse my mum for recycling and making me walk to the recycling bin,
and then i'll look at mother nature,
and think i contributed enough.
at least i don't smoke.

i dislike competition,
instances where everybody would die to win.
i hate empty talks.
i don't like losing,
but i know its either a win or lose,
and you have to face it anyway.

i'm superficial.
i look at the surface instead of what's below.
yeah, its like looking at tinted glass and not know there's shit underneath.

its not that i dont try,
i just cant seem to look pass tinted glass.

i always judge someone immediately by how they look,
i 'm biased, if i think you don't look and sound okay to me.

i value vainity more than anything else, and i hate myself for that.
compare the worth of something of quality and something pretty,
i pick the latter.

i love pretty things,
i hate ugly.

i used to hate cutting hair, alot.
'cause it never did turn out good for me.
when your father was the hairdresser,
you expect nothing less.

i used to cry when he cut my hair,
but not now.

Every milimetre my hair grows longer,
its a record breaking,
for until p6 did my hair reach shoulder-length.

i used to be a computer geek.
that time, i didn't know what the internet explorer was for.
i didn't know what email or msn was,
or how to copy and paste something.

i used to be bad at money and figures.
i couldnt count money,
and it was difficult for me to differentiate the value of a fifty cent coin from a five cent one.
it was hard for me memorising the time tables too,
i just could not catch up with how fast my brother got it.

i can't do without water.

i earn to live away from my parents,
farfaraway, but,
i just cant find the strength to be away from them.
i may never know how big a place they take up in my heart,
not till i lose them.

When i was young, i used to listen to everything my parents said.
you could say i worshipped them,
i was somebody they made to be, it wasn't me.
now, i'm still seeking me,
who i am, and who i want to be.

my second self is an introvert.
i used my second self alot in primary school.
i was very quiet, shy and i hated it when people picked on me.
i didn't talk much to the opposite sex,
that time, boys intimidated me.

i don't like selfish people.
i rly cant stand them,
in fact, i hate such people to the core.
but my 1st self allows me to understand them.

i despise alcholics and drug addicts.
i think they're just like slugs on earth.
no, they're parasites.
they were the ones who brought their pathetic fates on themselves,
and not only're they blaming themselves,
they're blaming their loved ones too.
as if their loved ones haven't suffered enough.

thoughts in my mind are not always kind,
sometimes my second side backstabs someone unintentionally,
i play wars with my first face.
and then, i'll feel guilty for letting my second side win.

i'm afraid of going to a new school,
and meeting new people.
i hate parting ways, i hate goodbyes,
and if i were to go to a new somewhere,
away from my friends, i know we may lose contact.

i love to have fun, i hate studying,
espcially studying something i cant understand.
i cant understand logic, and i'm bad with numbers.
i dont like using my brain, to do math and calculations.

i like playing with languages. They're fun to work with.
but i chose triple science, instead of double humanities,
just to be with my friends.

close friends are hard to come by,
that's the main reason why i'm holding back,
but i know i'm going to have to change, someday.

i hate not knowing, i dislike suspense.
but i like the unknown.
i read from back to front, usually.

i don't cry easily.

i cry when i'm blamed or wrongly accused.
i dislike being the black sheep, or someone's guinea pig.
when i'm wronged, i feel frustrated,
and that's when, the tears flow.
i cant stop it even when i want to.

i'm sensitive.
if someone were to hurt me in anyway possible,
i would put up a strong front,
but deep inside, i'm struggling with myself.
from bashing that certain someone,
or to cry.

i'm indecisive. very.
i can't make up my mind easily.
but if i do, there's really no stopping it.
i have impulses. and they're always very irrational.

sometimes, my impulses take me by surprise.
and even then, i cant stop myself too.

i hate people who complain,
but i myself complain.
i cant stand untidyness, i love neat.
i cant work in messy, it has to be tidy.

i'm insecure.
i dislike taking aeroplanes.
i feel confined by the seat belt,
and sitting for hours is just painfully trapped.

i cant sit still for long.
and i cant concentrate on something i have absolutely no interest in.

when i'm in the clouds,
high up in the sky,
so close to heaven,
i feel like i may die any minute,
or something bad will happen to the plane,
and then, i'll be wishing hard for my ancestors to protect me.

dejavu,
it always finds me unexpectedly.
and then i'll be thinking and going back to the past.
i love reminiscing, just thinking and thinking.

i love stargazing.
just looking at the nightsky and watching the stars.
it's the reason why my favourite shape is a star.

i like dawn and twilight best.
when the world seems to have come to a standstill.
And its just before the start of a new day.
And for that heartbeat,
i always find my place in life.

i like watching the sunrise,
and the sunset.
to see the waves crashing on the beach,
to hear them sing in the morning breeze.
to feel the wind howling in the thunderstorm.
i find peace with myself then.

i love hearing the night call out to me,
the deafening silence echoing when you say hello to the dark.
it makes me secure,
and it's just so comforting.

its this side to me i never knew i had-
i keep in touch with nature.

But, then again, i don't consider myself much of a nature-lover.
Although, i don't mind being a part of it.

i love being on empty trains,
to stare at the empty rows of seats.

i love standing at one end of the train,
and looking all the way down to the other end.
To see the long line of empty cabins,
and watch the world fly past in a flash.

i like walking along the train platform.
To just walk and walk and walk.
From one end to the other and never stop.

To me, it feels like a never-ending stretch all the way till the end.

i love being at high places,
because it feels like i'm standing on top of the world.
And suddenly, the minute me doesn't feel all that small,
anymore.

i like being at the peak of a rollercoaster,
because then i'll know nothing else matters.

i like romance. but not the romantic cheesy kind.
i envy couples who sit under the nightsky,
and look at the stars.
that's pure sweet love,
and i'm starting to believe you cant find it anywhere,
except in movies,
manga, imagination and dreams.

i use alot of imagination,
and i'm proud to say i love the impossible.

i'm not afraid to admit that i'm impractical.
cause i'm a dayandnight dreamer.

okay, haha. that's all to my second self, mostly they're my imperfections. (:
please dont laugh or anything, thank you.